So. Why not just kind of vent a little? You know some updates from the last few months.
Let me tell you.
It was a crazy few months. But I'll start with the most recent thing.
See, reader, I took a leap on Saturday afternoon.
An aquaintance I met at the ECMEA Vocal Jazz Ensemble asked me for my number. He wasn't really my type.
Normally, I probably would have somehow made a joke or something that would get me out of that situation and turn the guy down. But this time I didn't so that. I thought who the hell cares it's my life I'll do what I want! I figured it would probably be good for me.
If only I would have followed my intuition.
For those of you who actually know me, you'd know I'm a creep-magnet. It's been a while though, so I thought maybe I had been cured.
I wish I were so lucky.
He has called me 8 times in the past 48 hours.
And I also think he is a thug.
*sigh*
While he insisted it was a phone problem yesterday, I highly doubt that caused him to call four more times today. It is really getting annoying. I even gave him a special ghettolicious ringtone so I know when he is calling and can effectively ignore and then reject. I can't really decide if we should meet up and go for coffee and whatever or just skip the whole thing altogether.
You also have to consider that if I lead him on or something my family could potentially be in danger. So yeah.
Onward.
My college auditions have come to an end -- THANK THE LORD. It was just a really stressful part of my life. The travelling was fun and whatever, but I couldn't exactly take it lightly knowing that my future for the next 4 years was at stake.
On that note.... I find out from my top 2 schools next, well this week. Probably near the end. In day-to-day life I can push it from my mind and be pretty easygoing about it. But when I talk about it or think about it I am so scared my stomach flips and I want to cry. I know it's important to think positively so I do not completely reduce myself to a shriveled up emotional stressed-out and burned-out mess, it is SO HARD. I LIVE IN FUCKING WEST SENECA AND DON'T GO TO A PERFORMING ARTS HIGH SCHOOL AND HAVE NO IDEA IF I HAVE ANY TALENT AT ALL AND DON'T KNOW IF IM DOING THE RIGHT THING OR IF IT'S ALL A WASTE OF TIME AND MY PARENTS MONEY.
(whew)
It's just so easy to be self-conscience and insecure. I think I'm "talented" but is it enough? I really won't find out until I hear back from these colleges. I don't want to have that stupid and dopey kind of "hope" that some people have, when they're really just kidding themselves. I want to believe that when people tell me I'm special, it's real and means something, but don't want to fall into a trap of thinking I'm better than I actually am, you know? I just am kind of freaked out about the fact that I haven't been actually accepted into a college yet. But I was rejected from two: Ithaca and Michigan. It is so hard to swollow those rejections and go into the next audition as the same person. And on top of that, I've had the blessing/curse of never really having been rejected from anything before college letters. Maybe not gotten a part that I wanted, but never flat-out rejected from anything (academically, theatrically, etc.)
So. I don't know.
I didn't intend to write about this.
It just kind of slipped out.
It's just that, if I don't get into either of these two schools, that's kind of the end. For my music theatre major. Because then I'll only have emerson, boco and carnegie-mellon letters left. All 3 in which I did not do very well at.
I know I have to keep my cool for a few more days at least and just kind of chill, focus on other things.
Example: I want to start a blog critiquing local theatre. Sweeet. Including high school theatre. Why not, right? It'll probably be anonymous though, and you'll only know who it is if you read my blog mahaha.
Also, I want to practice my tenor saxophone. It's been a while. And I want to get more jazz music. Do my pilates dvd. Eat healthy. Think about broadway revue. Audition for artpark. Practice the recital ballet choreography. See the foreign film The Class and the 3D film Coraline.
Maybe make a fancy dessert. We'll see.
Life is good though. I love my friends so much. They really make my life so meaningful to me, I am so lucky. My best friends, Katie, Frankie and Matt could not not be better friends. And the rest of my friends -- academy friends, "limo" friends, dance friends and, yes, even thug man are just such good people. I love having people like that in my life. I sure will miss it next year. It's hard to imagine finding that anywhere else. Whether it be at Elon, B-W or, sure I'll say it, CMU ha. And the teachers and mentors in my life like Ers, Dina and Mrs. O are helping me so much to improve musically/theatrically and also figure out who I really am. Like I said, life is good. Truly.
On a final note.
My first crush when I was a little girl was Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Ooh the one in the blue! With the glasses! I knew how to pick em! Git it girl!
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