Ah, bliss.

Right now I'm chilling out before I go to REVOLUTION tonight (which I'm hoping will be better than it has been in rehearsal). Listening to Iron & Wine, drinking Traditional Medicinals throat coat tea, eating celery with panut butter and Rosemary & Olive Oil Triscuits. I'll probably take a hot shower and then straighten my hair. Maybe listen to another chapter of Coraline (which by the way costs $12.95, and the British guy that narrates it? He's the AUTHOR. How amazing is that?). I don't know why I'm blogging about this. I just feel so content right now. And writing relaxes me. So I guess I'm just adding it to my mixture of relaxing things I'm participating in right now hah.

REVOLUTION is basically Vietnam 101: the musical. It has a film projection and everything. But this show really is a lot cooler, I think. I'm really hoping the audience likes it...there are some beautiful moments. I just hope they outweigh the sloppy ones. I mess up the dance moves like it's my job.

A lot of the lyrics are actually pretty poignant. I love listening to the original Beatles songs....they were so different and creative. Hey Jude completely kicks Across the Universe's ass. I love Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Picture yourself in a boat on a river

With tangerine trees and marmalade skies

Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly

A girl with kaleidescope eyes

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green

Towering over your head

Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes

And she's gone

And I love Here Comes the Sun. I know the lyrics are pretty simplistic. But put together with the music, I really like them. Okay I'm rambling at this point. Sorry.

By the way here's a pair of shoes I picked up at Amvets. They caught my eye, but I'm not really sure if I like them anymore. Ehhhh find?

The soles say made in Italy and they're vintage-y looking but...still not sure. They look almost Western to me. Opinions appreciated.

Innovation

I love creative people. I love talking to them, watching them (though not stalking) and I love seeing the crazy stuff they come up with. It may not be logical but it is fun.

The "Apple Jacket." It keeps your apple nice and cozy and doesn't let it get bruised. I usually get huge Golden Delicious apples though...they would probably be an XXL.

"Anti-Theft Lunch Bags." They are the perfect scheme for those sneaky students or co-workers that want to steal a bite of your sandwich. The plastic bags have green spots on them that look like mold...nobody will be touching your food, for

LOVE this one. These rings are called "horny cameos." It shows you how the Victorians really were, as their caption says.

A new way to recycle plastic bags....boots! So innovative.

Confessions of a fallen Catholic woman

Dear God,
I've lost a lot of shame this year. While my Saturday afternoons are always too busy for Reconciliation, I'd like to take this opportunity to confess some things to You in hopes of You agreeing to absolve me.
Here are some confessions:
-When someone is singing badly I can not hide a glare.
-Now being an ex-vegetarian, I like my daily dose of meat. Daily includes Fridays.
-I bought second-hand shoes. I have even pondered earrings (but didn't go that far). That was hard to admit.
-I take advantage of the fact that my brother is okay with getting to school late every day. I sleep til 6:45, take an extra minute or two to tweeze an eyebrow or fix a contact lens and wait until I'm just running out the door to get my books together.
-Sometimes I pretend I took the dog out when I actually didn't. (Buffalo winters are cold)
-I wear sweatpants every day, don't paint my nails, don't do my hair. Basically, I'm not in my prime.
-When people do things that annoy me, my glare is again , not well-hidden. I do not believe I am at fault for this, however, because You could have given me less expressive facial expressions.
-I don't usually do my homework right away. I do pointless things like this.
-I mess up my schedule a lot. And it takes some twisting of the truth to get out of conflicts.
-I like to eat dessert and use the F word a lot. Both are involuntary.
For all these sins, I am sorry. So Bless me, Father and I will do 2 Hail Mary's. And then my slate will finally be clean. A fresh start-- just what I need in the eyes of the Lord.
Thanks God, you're the best. I'll be in touch,
Brianna Maria.

LIfe life life...

So I just wrote a whole long thing (a couple paragraphs long) about Emerson, how I'm so unbelievably excited to be going there, the people I've met so far from the school, how happy I am that it worked out that way, etc. But you know what? That's just the start of things in my life. The good news kind of kicked off a whole series of good event in my life, a string of happy things. I feel so great right now. And you know what? I kind of feel like just talking about the things that make me happy right now.

Well, here they are:
1)SUPER TROUPERS with Mandi and Katie. It's ridiculous and such a good time.

The originals:2)Being at Academy so much lately. I seriously love all my friends there SO much. We're having a blast hanging out a lot and it rocks.

3)Reccomendation: Buy Coraline as an audiobook on iTunes. If you've got $8.99 this is the way to spend it. Its whimsical descriptions which I normally skip right over are read to me and (best part) by a guy with a thick British accent. Perfect! It's so quirky I love it. It makes me smile every time I listen to it.

4)Yesterday, I looked through the clothes in the basement and found some of my mom's old clothes. Most of them were long skirts and dresses. But THEN I hit her maternity section. They are perfect! They have a great tent shape, are the perfect length to wear as a long shirt or a short dress, are oversized but the sleeves aren't too baggy. I love them so much. Most of them are fall pieces, but it's still winter in Buffalo so I can sneak in a few pieces.

5)Reviewing AP Stats. It makes me happy when I understand and am doing well in that class since for a long time I was so confused. It's just such a relief to go to that class.

6)Being a part of The Y. I can't wait to get back into my workout schedule. I'm going back on Wednesday :)

7)Gabriella Climi. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The Decemberists. Carla Cook. Beyonce. I dig their music for right now.

8)Feeling free. Knowing where I am going next year. Feeling relieved. Having as busy a schedule as always but feeling less stressed.

9)Going to Chestnut Park with Kate. Yeah, it was only once but still it was definitely worthwile.

10)Recent weather. Including the rain.

11)Being able to look forward to so much next year. Especially getting to explore. Emerson is this hub of creative energy and I feel like I will finally be able to be myself to the max, you know? No holding back.

12)Finding a great prom dress.

13)The fact that I'm growing my hair out.

14)The idea of my internship at artpark. (AKA Joseph part 2)

15)Having an iTunes gift card.


16)My grandpa's good health.


17)Tea. Especially Yogi tea which has little proverbs on the tag of the tea bag. (No I do not necessarily reccomend the "nursing moms" edition)

18)Not caring what the school thinks about me.

19)How much people believe in me. Especially Dina, Ersing, people at academey, people in Bel Canto/musical. People are so supportive, it helps and gives me more confidence.

20)Having a clean closet and a clean room. It's so underrated! It really does make you feel better!


That's all. I am having a good time. It's April and I've almost reached another milestone in my life. I have so much to look forward to and so much to be thankful for. I'm loving it.

Update.

By the way, the man I spoke of earlier in fact IS a thug. A religious one who thinks I came into his life as God's gift to him for dealing with his previous girlfriend. He wants to cook for me and have me over and says things like this: "If we ever had a house together...."

Yeah I wouldn't make this up.

(above, me; title, my life; featured in a bestselling novel.)

I'm okay.

No more fun and talk of frolicking mailmen. This is when the blog gets serious.


As you may or may not know, here is a list of the schools I've been rejected to:

Ithaca
University of Michigan
Baldwin-Wallace
and waitlisted academically to Elon


It's hard, you know? I've spent so much of my life, so so so many hours rehearsing and working on and learning about theatre and music that it's hard to be told by a school that they don't want you. That they don't want to teach you, don't want you in their program. And the fact that the application process is so llloooonnnnggg: filling out all 8 applications, writing essays, planning out audition dates that actually work in your schedule, picking the right audition material, memorizing it on top of a whole show to memorize (aka The Wiz), travelling out to the school, being scared shit, auditioning, getting hopes up that just maybe they liked you enough, and then being rejected? It's tough to face. It's really tough.



But the thing is, I'm okay. I'm not saying that to convince myself, I know that I'm ok. I haven't really faced rejection before and this is kind of a new experience for me and it's a new challenge, but I'm strong. The name "Brianna" means strong actually, betcha didn't know that :) The title song from "Songs For a New World" really says it all, I think. Here's a clip of the lyrics:


It's about one moment
That moment you think you know where you stand
And in that one moment
The things that you're sure of slip from your hand
And you've got one second
To try to be clear, to try to stand tall
But nothing's the same
And the wind starts to blow
And you're suddenly a stranger
In some completely different land
And you thought you knew
But you didn't have a clue
That the surface sometimes cracks
To reveal the tracks
To a new world


I love love loooove that part "That the surface sometimes cracks/ To reveal the tracks/ To a new world." And maybe that's what I'm going through. I thought I had everything all set, all figured out, ready to go for this. I really thought I knew how my life would turn out. And to be honest...a really really small part of me was a little bit bummed about that. Feeling locked-in to music theatre, not browsing the other programs of study, knowing I probably wouldn't get to continue any other areas of remote interest, feeling like if I didn't try for it I'd never get a second chance but at the same time feeling like I was sacrificing other parts of myself. But maybe I'm actually meant to do something else. I mean I have a choice now. I can be bummed about what I possibly wasn't meant to do, or I can be excited about what I AM meant to do. Which is completely unknown! That's the best part. The concept is really exciting, I think. And maybe everything I thought I knew had to come crashing down so that I can discover what I'm really meant to be doing. Not that anything is set in stone, of course. I still have Elon, Boston Conservatory, Emerson and Carnegie-Mellon to hear back from. But I'm not gonna lie, the thought of me going to Boston to study literature and writing and getting to experiment with fashion and get to maybe work at tealuxe and do stuff like that sounds really appealing. I know I shouldn't take this so much to heart, but the rejection from Baldwin-Wallace is kind of like a sign to me. That maybe my cards lie somewhere else. Sure, with each rejection it's going to hurt. No doubt. But I've been thinking about this for a while now. And I think that in preparing myself for rejection, and trying to figure out "Option B" it's actually gotten me excited for the alternative. Like I selled it so well to myself that it sounds appealing. And I don't know. If theatre is such a crazy and risky and unpredictable business, shouldn't I want nothing BUT theatre if I'm going into it? Lately, it's not that I've been doubting myself...I've just been considering everything. Thinking, you know? And it's not that I wouldn't want to go into theatre for the sole purpose that I don't think I'm "cut out" for it. It's that maybe there are other and better ways to be happy in life with my career and everything.

I feel like maybe I can even get to the same "result" but in a different way. I can still have the dream of performing on Broadway or even just the dream of getting to do theatre and make money off of it. I could get my degree in writing so I have something a little more solid to hang onto, and challenge myself academically. But still take voice lessons through the college. And an acting/dance class if I can. Maybe a music class here and there through Berklee. Maybe some business classes or media classes, since their resources there are so cool. Yeah. And of course audition for all the theatre I can. I'd love to be in a show while I'm there. Plus, uh, getting broadway tour tickets dirt cheap? It sounds good to me.

It scared me that after being so set on my "path" for a long time, the future is still pretty unknown so far. But I'm gradually learning to accept it and...love it. Because fast forward 20 years from now and I'll probably be pretty glued down in a career/job/whatever and my future won't be so open. So this is a good part of my life. It's MEANT for exploring. Which I love to do anyway. This is good for me.

And maybe in a week or so I'll find out that I got into Elon or whatever some school for musical theatre and won't have to ever worry about an Option B ever again. Or maybe I have 4 more rejections to face. We'll see. But whatever happens, the future is lookin good, so good....

:)

Day 2

So he came early today. I saw his truck on my street at 3:00 and was getting excited for his arrival. I set up stake at my living room, sitting in the front window with my morningstar veggie bites and glass of soy milk, ready to watch for him to get close to my house. When he finally started heading toward my neighbor's house, I took my dog outside, planning to talk to him in the driveway or something. But Ollie went the other direction than usual so I didn't talk to him until he was on his way back from the mailbox.

As he passed me, I called out "hello!" with a big grin and a wave. He gave me a disinterested little "hi," and went on his way. Desperately, I tried to continue the conversation. "Any big envelopes for me?" He said "erm, no." At this point he is nearly at my grandparents' house. So I'm pretty much screaming "I'M WAITING FOR COLLEGE LETTERS!" and he kind of disappeared behind the house.

I hate to say it, but friends, my mailman is a tool. And that's the truth.
No college letters today.
I need a good pair of earrings.