Perplexing.

Does it mean anything that the only classes I like (and can STAND right now) are Wind Ensemble and AP English? And not Bel Canto, Vocal Jazz. Music Theory, etc.?

Does it mean anything when I say that I don't look forward to anything theatre-related or performance-related? And when I have to do it, I dread it?

Does it mean anything that I can't stand show tunes right now?

Does it mean anything that all I can listen to is WBLK, Jazz and Passion Pit?

Does it mean anything that I kind of want to cut out all theatre-related things from my summer?

Does it seem wrong that I can't motivate myself to practice any singing except for jazz standards?

Does it seem wrong that I care more about clothes right now than I do sheet music?

Does it seem wrong that I am not going to get the chance to explore ANYTHING when I go to college? And not even the amazing city I'll be living in?

SO.

...uh should I just hope that I become re-enthused in the fall?

Oh, Emerson!

Why can't college come sooner? I understand that I should be cherishing these "final moments" with friends and family and yeeaaaah yeah. But hey world, listen. I have long outgrown high school and every minute of every hour I spend there is SHEER MISERY. Happiness and High School are 2 mutually exclusive things-- they can't both exist at the same time!!

But at least I have an amazing college to look forward to. And a perk? In the Boston Commons, right across from Emerson are Swan Boats:

Such an odd "mezcla" of emotions

First of all, I have to inform you of a new talent I have discovered: the talent of BAILAR.

As in sexy Spanish dancing. Merengue hip bumps, Salsa chase turns, baby I got it all. Thanks to Dana (pronounced DAH-nah) I am on the track to latina stardom. Not to mention my unforgettable partner, Lindsey. She has helped make this all possible. Hopefully with a little more practice, we can look more like these other salsa competition pair:

And I need to vent too. Sorry I can't be all fun and games for you, readers. But that Jazzy Lady by the Name of Bri? That author? DAS ME.

So I just have been trying to avoid stress at all costs nowadays, taking things easy, staying out of any and all drama, choosing to kind of coast instead of checking out for the rest of the year. But the thing is its kind of IMPOSSIBLE until after next week. I just gotta get through that. My 2 AP Exams, the Mothers Day concert, this jazz concert I should be getting ready for, the the AWFUL improv solo I have in the gospel mass, the hours and hours of studying I have to do this weekend while prepping for the solo because I have no idea where to start ughhh. In the rehearsal yesterday, I was so lacking energy and inspiration. It was embarassing, I just was nervous and uncomfortable and bad. I was wishing I could have gotten a more straightforward solo. BUT hey, why would I want to be restricted to notes on a page? I want to sing what I feel! Mmmm make the notes fit to MY range! Who da boss? Me me me. And I know I can rock out on the solo if I just become more familiar with the vamps and the CD and the choir part. I need to release creative energy you know what I'm saying? Get a little crazy. This is my last mom day concert and I want to go out with a bang! I'm going to Emerson! Who knows when I'll get to improv again??!! This is going to be good, it has to be. So it will.

There, done venting **



(editor's note: ** for now)